Behind Blue Eyes
by catarinan7
Summary: "My name is Peeta Mellark, I'm 15 years old, I'm from district 12, I'm a baker, I work in my parent's bakery, I was reaped as the male tribute of district 12 for the Hunger Games". Au from Peeta's point of view.
1. Chapter 1

_Hi!_

 _This is a story that has been on my mind for quite some time! I hope you enjoy it as much as i do!_

 _Disclaimer_ _: I do not own the Hunger Games._

* * *

Blood.

All I can see is blood. Worried and picturing the worst, I rapidly search my body for any sign of damage, but my skin shows no puncture wounds.

For a second, a wave of relief runs through me, until I see it, resting in my closed hand – a bloodied knife.

No, I'm not the victim, but chances are, I'm the aggressor.

Frantic, I look around, thinking maybe there's still time, maybe I can still help whomever I harmed.

A 360º inspection shows me nothing but trees, bushes and the dead of night. Yet, looking closely, my eyes detect something that doesn't belong – a red trail drawn on the floor – a red bloodied trail.

I follow it as quickly and silently as possible, searching for the source.

Pushing past the last two bushes in my way, a female silhouette becomes visible. I fall on my knees, not more than 3 meters away from my victim. My face contorts in recognition – "No, not her" I scream. "NO"

I wake up screaming and drenched in sweat. Trying to calm my racing heart, I attempt to familiarize myself with the room I'm in.

I lay in a bed – not my bed, this one is far comfortable and nicer than mine. At home, I share a bedroom with my middle brother since my older brother has gotten married. Back then, the three of us would share the same bedroom and I would sleep on the floor, since he moved out I was allowed to take Rhys' bed. No right away though, Naan, my middle brother had the first pick as he is older than me. If he had preferred Rhys' bed to his, I would have gotten his instead. It would be fine anyway, a bed is better than no bed at all.

I rub my eyes and try to adjust my vision to the room surrounding me. The clothes I wore yesterday lye neatly folded on the bench at the end of the bed. A robe lye's on my feet, ready to be used. In front of me is a door that leads to the bathroom and on my right the exit.

I'm on a train, although almost imperceptible, I can feel it moving underneath me. This train won't stop until it reaches its destination, and until then I can't get out, I'm stuck inside. I start to panic thinking I'm boxed in, with nowhere to go. I need air, I need to get out.

Trying to calm down, I get out of bed take the robe, put on a pair of sleepers and roam the train's corridor. I'm hoping to find somewhere to hide, somewhere I can feel less a prisoner, somewhere I can trick myself into not thinking.

I find myself in the last carriage, not really sure how I got here. This is my favorite part of the train as it has only a large moon shaped sofa on the very rear of the train and the celling was replaced by a giant window that allows me to see the sky. This is the closer I will be to the outside until we stop, so I look up at the starry skies and try the exercise Haymitch – my mentor, has taught me.

"I am Peeta Mellark, I'm 15 years old, I'm from district 12, I'm a baker, I work in my parent's bakery. I was reaped as the male tribute of district 12 for the Hunger Games; my district partner is dead – It wasn't my fault. I tried my best to save her but there was nothing I could do for her. Somehow, I won the games, I am the victor of the 73rd annual Hunger Games, I'm going home"


	2. Chapter 2

Effie finds me just as the train is pulling up to the station.

"Peeta, Finally! I looked everywhere for you! What in Panem's name are you doing here?" she says in a high pitch that immediately wakes me up.

"Couldn't sleep" I shrug.

"Anyway, please get up and get dressed. Your ensemble for today is already in your room waiting for you" She instructs.

Rubbing my eyes, I look at her: today her hair is pink and so is her dress – if what she's wearing can even be called a dress.

"Quickly please! Today is a big, big day" She rushes me.

After nearly a month of training, interviews and the Huger Games, I'm finally returning home. I can't wait to see my family again, my father, my two brothers and yes, my mother too. Maybe me winning the games changes our relationship for the better, I mean if it were me I would probably think twice before witting a murderer…

Plus, I will have my own house, my family can move in with me and we can all start living much better and she can stop worrying about our social status.

I'm dressed and ready in a second and am by the door before it opens. Haymitch and Effie join me but my prep team has stayed in the Capitol. Tonight, a celebratory dinner will be held in the justice building, in honor of my victory. The mayor and his family as well as my family have been invited to attend and every single person in the district will be offered a meal. I won't get to see my family until tonight though. As soon as we leave this train I'll be rushed to the justice building where I will be interviewed and have a solemn lunch with the mayor and my mentor.

After the day is over I'll be escorted to my new home, photographs will be taken and another interview held. After that, both Effie and the reporters will board the train and return to the Capitol –I'll be finally free, I hope.

The door opens and I'm immediately blinded by the flashes of the reporters' cameras. I wave and smile while walking as fast as I possibly can to the waiting car.

In the justice building, I'm left alone with Haymitch waiting for the Mr. Undersea to arrive, he should have been here already though, something must have gone wrong.

"You're doing good kid. Keep it up, it's almost over" I smile and say "Yes, and then we'll be neighbors and you can teach me all about managing a house!" He mumbles something that sounds much like a curse word and takes off looking for the bar.

Apologizing for the fact that the state meeting he was at ran long, Mr. Undersea finally enters the room and shakes my hand.

"I'm so glad to see you coming home, young man. District 12 is honored to have such an honorable man win the games" I nod and thank him.

Not wanting to experience Effie's wrath due to schedule delays, we quickly grab a seat. As we try to eat the exaggerated amount of food that has been put in front of us, dozens of reporters come in at the time to take our picture. The conversation is fluent and uninteresting and I'm relieved when the lunch is over.

I'm then given 2 hours to rest and lead into a room with sofas a mirror and a waiting suit already prepped for me to wear tonight.

With nothing to do, I grow more and more nervous and invariably my thoughts go to her.

Katniss Everdeen, the girl I've been in love with for most of my life. Ever since that day when we were five and she sang the valley song at school, she never left my thoughts, not once. It's to her that I owe the fact that I'm alive now, thinking of her and how much I wanted to get back to her to get the chance of telling her how I feel… That's what kept me going.

I wonder if she will be here tonight, if she's mad at me for announcing to the whole country that I love her, to Caesar Flikerman, before even telling her personally. Yes, she's probably hating me for it, I wonder if she had to explain my actions to her boyfriend Gale. I bet he wants to punch me for pronouncing my love for his girlfriend on live television…

As much as I want to see her tonight I hope she doesn't come, because if she does the Capitol will make a lot of fuss about that, maybe they would even put her in a nice dress and have us meet to sell newspapers.

Oh no, I haven't thought of that yet, I hope they don't think of that… Oh, what have I done? I'm so stupid, so selfish I didn't even stop to think the impact that my words would have on Katniss' life.

I have to talk to her, I have to apologize…

I hope she doesn't come tonight, it's better this way, I'll talk to her when the cameras are gone. I need to keep her out of this as much as possible…

I got so distracted thinking of her, I barely noticed my two hours had run up, until a knock on the door brings me back to the present.

"Are you ready Mr. Mellark? It's time" Someone, a voice I don't recognize, says.

"Just a second please, be right out" I respond while putting up my pants and buttoning the shirt. The suit they chose for tonight is quite nice, dark blue with a white tie that makes me look good. I hope she could see me now, I'm almost a match for Gale in this.

I walk into the room where we had lunch and transformation is shocking: instead of the lonely enormous table and chairs, there are now plenty of mini tables and sofas around the room and long rectangular tables against the wall filled with food and drinks.

The room is already full when I enter, most are reporters and important people from 12. The mayor and his family, Cray – the head peacekeeper and a few of the "richest" people in the district. Well they're more the least poor families in 12 – That's more accurate.

Again, I'm initially blinded by the flashes of the photographers. After the 5-minute photo shoot, the mayor rewards us with a speech where he thanks everyone for coming and expresses, in the name of all citizens from 12, the happiness that is having another victor in the district.

I pay little to none attention to is speech as I'm scanning the room. I know most of the faces, all merchant faces, but I'm searching for one in particular, the one I would really like to see… and hug… But I can't find her, she probably couldn't or didn't want to come. Next, I search for my family and find it almost immediately, dressed in their best suits, my brothers and father stand near a wall at the end of the room.

As soon as our gazes meet my oldest brother throws a huge smile at me, which I happily return.

It's the first time I'm seeing them in a month and the first time since the one I thought it would be the last. They all look thinner and exhausted, I know it shouldn't have been easy to see me on that screen, to think they could see me die at any minute… I shiver just to think about it, I feel so bad for having to put them through all of that… But, at least they have me back, 23 other families, including one from 12 won't have theirs.

I've been so distracted in my thoughts I didn't even stopped to think about my district partner, who died in the arena. Oh, how hard it must be for her family, even worst because all district is celebrating my win and no one is paying attention to her death.

Nelly, a 15-year-old girl from the seam, I don't know anything else about her, I don't remember her from school, I don't know who her family is. But I should do something, I feel bad for her, I'm here and she's not. Maybe I can find her family and offer them something, a part of my winnings maybe, I don't know if that's allowed. I know that will in no way repay her family for her death, but I hope at least to comfort them and their stomachs.

Suddenly, I'm wondering if they are here tonight if the Capitol was as cruel as to make them come here and celebrate my winning, oh I hope not, I hope their cruelty doesn't go that far.

I so got distracted thinking of poor Nelly that didn't notice my mother isn't near my father or brothers, where is she, I wonder?

When the mayor stops talking, more pictures are taken and I'm finally set free, I walk up to my family. After the initial hugs and kisses and them saying how happy they are that I'm back, I still don't see my mother anywhere. I small part of me starts to panic, I'm afraid she's round here somewhere, alone and saying something that may put all of us in danger.

So, I quickly turn to my father and ask:

"Dad, where's mother?"

* * *

Hi Everyone!

I want to thank everyone who has followed and favorite this story! You are the best!

I hope you liked this chapter!

Catarina :)


	3. Chapter 3

**I hope you're liking the story so far! I want to thank everyone who chose to follow this story and specially to stjohn27 and Yuste who reviewed it!**  
 **I'm thinking of doing the next two chapters in Katniss' point of view!**

 **Enjoy this next chapter! Catarina :)**

* * *

" _Dad, Where's mother?"_

My question triggers a wave of nerves that affects all three of my family members and apparently disables their speaking abilities.

"What is it?" I ask after 5 minutes of total silence.

"Nothing son, she just… She stayed behind to clean the shop" I know he's lying, mother never cleans the shop, she has us doing it for her while she bosses us around. Something's wrong, I thought she would love to be here, amongst the district's elite… Something terrible must have happened to prevent her from being here.

I'm about to force the truth out of dad when Effie interrupts us. My father's tense posture immediately relaxes as he realizes he managed to dodge my questions.

"Hello, hello, you must be Peeta's brothers and father, so nice to make your acquaintance" She stops only to breathe and then unloads the rest.

"I'm sorry to cut your time short, but Peeta!" She turns to me "It's time to get you installed in your new home" Turning back to my family she adds "You are welcome to accompany us, if you'd like"

I can see my brothers are dying to see the house, Rhys will probably stay in the house he now shares with his wife, although there will be plenty of room for them there. But I expect my other brother and parents to come live with me. It will be a longer commute to the bakery than we all are accustomed, but we will have better conditions.

A car leads us, Effie and Haymitch to the victor's village. There, Haymitch says goodbye and retreats to his house. The 5 meters that separate the car door from the front of the house are overly documented by the dozen photographers and video cameras present. They film Effie giving me the key and me opening the door.

The inside is fully decorated and free of reporters. Effie guides us from what she calls the entrance hall to the living room, which is decorated with two sofas, a fireplace and a huge TV.

At home, at the bakery, we only have one TV and that's because it's mandatory. It seats on a small coffee table in the living room. In this house, nothing is small, every room we see is bigger or the same size as my house. There're even rooms I wouldn't dream existed in people's homes. There's a dining room, which is reserved for eating – in our home we just eat in the kitchen.

Oh, the kitchen is huge, far bigger then the bakery's one and also has a table and chairs reserved for "quick and simple meals" as Effie puts it, I don't have a clue what she's talking about – breakfast maybe?

There's a library, to keep me informed and educated now that I no longer have to go to school and an office, which I'll probably use for my painting or for dad to take care of the bakery's books.

The second floor is populated by bedrooms, there's enough for each of my family members to have their own and a spare for guests. All have their private bathroom with running cold and hot water.

Once the house tour is over, it's time for the reporters to come in. I have one last interview before all of them get piled up in the train and leave me alone for a few months.

My family sees the cameras as their excuse to leave, promising we'll take better tomorrow at the bakery.

Pictures are taken and more of the same questions made, quicker than I expected everyone is saying goodbye and soon I'm left all alone.

Knowing I won't be able to sleep I wander around getting to know my new house and assigning rooms to my brother and parents.

I leave the house at sunrise headed for the bakery. I've decided to keep my daily routine as unchanged as possible.

Now that I don't have to go to school anymore I can focus all my efforts in the bakery and help my parents all day.

Before I was "the victor of the 73rd annual hunger games" I would wake up before the sunrise, dress in a hurry and help my father making the first batch of bread. I would bake alongside him until my mother arrived, about an hour and a half later. She would them inspect my work, if it was good enough she would send me too school but if my work didn't match her standards she would beat me with whatever was closer.

Walking through the main street I think of how deserted it is now and how in a few hours it will be filled with my friends and colleagues making their way to school.

It will be hard not seeing my friends every day – not seeing her every day.

For me that will be the worst part. I grew accustomed to seeing her every day, watching her arrive at school in the morning, making sure her little sister arrives spotless and on time too her classroom. Watching her at lunch seating besides Madge, each focused on their food, never talking. How I wish I had the courage to seat beside them, I wouldn't need to talk to her, just seating would be enough.

"I have to find a way to continue to see her" I decide.

Walking into my childhood's garden I pass by the old oak tree. No other tree means as much to me as this one. This is where I first conquered my timidity and reached the unreachable, the feared Katniss Everdeen. Throwing her those loafs is, until today, my proudest accomplishment. To me it was like talking to her, knowing she, and her family, would have enough for the night filled me with pride and joy.

My father sees me the minute I walk into the kitchen.

"Peeta, my boy, what a great surprise!" he wipes his hands on his apron and walks forward to hug me.

"I'm here to help as usual dad, nothing has changed" I assure.

"Good. Glad to have you" dad takes my apron and passes it to me. I quickly put it on and join his side to help him work the dough.

We work fast and in silence, just as we used to. He prepares another batch of bread while I work the dough.

I make small loaf shape mounts and place them in a tray. Taking all prepared trays, I load them into the ovens and set the timers.

Then I go back to my father's side and join the necessary ingredients for the cookies.

Dad heats up some of yesterday's bread and fills two glasses with milk, being careful not to spill any. Milk is an expensive item around the district, we rarely have it but dad must have thought this to be a special occasion.

Eating our bread and milk, we make a small break.

"I'm so glad you're here son, I can't stop smiling and thanking the earth to be able to see you and hug you again" he says while caressing my cheek.

"I'm glad to be back too! And now that I am he get to live in that big house and have all the money that we need. You don't ever need to worry about food or supplies anymore. I got it covered from now on" I promise, but Instead of the warm familiar smile I'm expecting I find instead a shred of sadness in his eyes. He must be still thinking how close he was of losing me so I try to change the subject. I don't want anybody suffering because of me, much less my father.

"So, when do you want to move? I already went to the house's blueprint and assigned room, I hope you won't mind" I say but the sadness remains. I'm about to ask him about it when the timers go off.

"The bread is ready" dad says and turns to the ovens.

I help him unload them and place the loafs in their display out front. We then load the cookies in the oven and make two more small cakes. As they require lots of expensive ingredients, fillings and decoration we only ever make on demand. We always make them first thing and then display them in the bakery's windows to attract clients.

It's usually me who decorates the cakes and I intend to do an even better effort to make them look good. I secretly wish Katniss and Prim pass by our windows today to look at the cakes like the often do. I want to make something special for them… I wonder if Katniss would accept a cake made by me. Probably not, not even one for her beloved sister, she would see it as charity.

"Dad do you think I can make a cake for myself?" I ask anyway, thinking maybe there's a way I can give it to Prim.

"Of course, Son, go for it" he responds.

"Do you intend to pay for it?" My mother's voice irrupts through the kitchen.

"Yes, of course I do" I answer. I was expecting to do so anyway, I know how mother is with money.

"What is this ungrateful brat doing in our kitchen?" she asks as she enters the kitchen.

"Marjory, please" my father tries to calm her.

"No, he needs to know he's not welcome in this house anymore" I'm shocked to hear this.

"Why? What did I do? I came home alive? Is that it?" Never before did I answered my mother. Never did I questioned her, but her comment made me furious. What can I possibly have done except try to survive? Maybe that's it, maybe she would rather I'd died.

"No Peeta, no! We're all so, so glad you came back to us. So happy!" my father contradicts my thought.

"You disgraced this family. You insulted me on national television and for that affront you are no longer welcomed in this house and in this family" she says.

"What? For telling the truth?" How can she say that? Everything I said was the truth, everything I said helped me stay alive.

"Oh, you! I knew I should've never had you! You seam loving brat, go live with them if you love them so much" She shouts "Go, get out of here" She picks up the rolling pin and throws it at me so fast, I don't have time to duck and it hits me in the torso. I curve my body and instinctively protect my belly.

"Son please, I think it would be best if you left. I promise will come by your house later" My father holds me and helps me out the bakery.

He kisses me and makes me return to the victor's village. There, I lay on the couch and apply ice to the now bruised area.

I can't believe what just happened, not only did I almost died in the arena, I come back home to find I no longer have a family. I'm completely alone. Maybe if I apologize to my mother, maybe I shouldn't have said what I did, I knew what she thinks of Katniss and the seam folk…

I don't know what to do, I've never lived alone, much less in an enormous house.

I get so lost in thought I lose track of time and almost miss the low but firm knocks on my door.

Disorientated I jump from the couch "What time is it?" I ask out loud although there's no one else to answer.

I walk to the door thinking it's my father, he did say he would come by. I take my knife with me in case it's not him.

I open the door prepared to greet him, but it's not him who expects me on the other side.

No, it's someone I never expected to see on the other side of my door, but always secretly wished I would find every time I opened it.

Katniss Everdeen.


	4. Chapter 4

The day starts just like any other. I stretch carefully so as not to disturb Prim but I find her side of the bed empty and cold. She must have had a bad dream and climbed into our mother's bed.

I'm not surprised if she did, this is no ordinary day. This is the day of the reaping.

Although her name won't be in the ball for another year, I know she worries about me and the number of entries I have.

The reaping system is unfair and even worse for the poor. You became eligible as soon as you turn twelve. In that year your name is entered once. At thirteen twice and so one until you reach eighteen, the final year of the reaping eligibility. In that year your name goes into the pool seven times. If you survive the last reaping you get to live the rest of your life in fear and hunger like most of the populace in the district, but at least you are safe from having a painful and public death.

Anyway, if you're a normal kid, at the age of eighteen you'll have seven entries with your name on it at the reaping. However, poor kids, like myself, can opt to add their name more times in exchange for tesserae. Each tessera is worth a meagre year's supply of grain and oil for one person. Per year you can ask for one tessera per each family member. So, once I turned twelve I had my name entered four times, one because I had to and three more for a portion of grain and oil for me, my sister and my mother. I had to do this every year since then and because tesserae are cumulative, this year my name will be in the reaping pool sixteen times. Of course, other kids in the seam have it worse, but my odds are still far less favorable than the merchant kids who don't need to take out tesserae.

I lift myself from bed and confirm that my little sister is curled up next to my mother, both of them sleeping peacefully.

Laying at Prim's feet is buttercup – the world´s ugliest cat. He hates me, probably because I once tried to drown him in a bucket. The last thing I needed was another mouth to feed, but Prim begged so hard I had to let him stay.

Sliding of bed and into my hunting boots, I put on a shirt, tuck my long hair into a braid and grab my forage bag.

On my way to the door, I take the perfect little goat's cheese wrapped in basil leafs left to me by Prim. Her gift to me on this reaping day.

I slip outside and make my way through the Seam, the name given to this part of town, and into the meadow.

Surrounding the meadow and keeping us all safely inside district twelve, is a high chain-link fence topped with barbed-wire loops. It is supposed to be electrified twenty-four hours a day to keep the predators away and us inside. But since we're lucky to get 2 hours of electricity a day it's usually turned off. Nonetheless, I always take a few seconds to listen for the hum made by the electricity traveling through the wire. I can't hear a thing so I quickly slide under a loose chunk of wire.

As soon as I reach the tree line, I retrieve the bow and arrows, my father made me, from a hollow log.

Many dangers roam these woods, but some of those same dangers are also food if you know where to find them.

These woods were how my father fed our family and he taught me some of what he knew before he was blown to bits in a mine explosion. I was only eleven when I was left fatherless and with a family to feed. Four year later I still wake up screaming for him to run…

Even though entering the woods is illegal, I have no other choice if I want to put food on the table. I venture deeper in, heading for the meeting place I share with the only person I can be myself with. Gale.

Like mine, Gale's father also died in the explosion and he too, being the eldest son, was left with the arduous task of feeding his family. It's harder for him, for he has a family of five to feed. I only have 3.

"Hey Catnip" he says as soon as he hears me coming. My name is Katniss, but when I first met him, he thought I said Catnip and so the name stuck.

"Look at what I shot" he shows me a loaf of freshly baked bread with an arrow stuck in it. I laugh. It's a real bakery bread not the poor imitation we make with the grain from the tesserae – What a catch!

I take it into my hands "Mm, it's still harm" smells incredibly delicious, but a bread like this must have cost a fortune, "How much did you pay for this?"

"Just a squirrel, I guess the baker was feeling soft this morning" he shrugs.

"We all feel a little closer today, don't we?" I don't really expect an answer from him and I don't get it either. "Prim left us a gift too" I take the cheese out of my bag.

"Thank you, Prim, we'll have a delicious feast" He then changes to a Capitol accent as he mimics Effie Trinket, district twelve's escort, the one who reads the reaping names. "I almost forgot! Happy Hunger Games!" He plucks a few berries from the bushes next to us "And may the odds" He tosses a berry in a high arc towards me. I catch it mid-flight and break it with my teeth, making the sweetness of the berry spread through all my tongue. "- be ever in your favor" I finish the sentence.

We then gorge ourselves with the bread, cheese and berries we have collected before taking off to another morning of hunting.

First, we check the snares we left the day before, I don't actually have a knack for setting snares but Gale is a real master. So, I let him reassemble them while I shoot some squirrels and rabbits.

Wanting to put up a special dinner for our families, we walk to the lake, a special place where my father used to take me and where he taught me how to swim. There, I manage to catch a few fishes.

After the reaping, everyone is supposed to celebrate and a lot of people do, grateful that their children were spared another year. But for two families in the district, tonight will be no celebration. Tonight, they'll lose a son or a daughter and will be forced to watch them fight to death alongside 23 other children for the Capitol's amusement.

Overall, we get a good some of game, a dozen fish, greens and strawberries. As we have to be at city center by two we leave the woods sooner than we otherwise would.

On our way home, we pass by the hob to make some trades. The hob is an old coal warehouse long deactivated which is now used as the town's black market.

When I was younger, my father used to take me every time he came in to make his trades. After he died it took me a while until I was ready to enter it again, this time alone. And even a little bit longer for the flocks to trade with me. Little by little I managed to start making deals with them, most of them due to the respect and trust they still had for my father.

We manage to trade 6 of the fish and two the rabbits with Greasy Say, a bony old lady famous for the soups she sells.

Half of the strawberries are sold to the mayor, who has a special fondness for them.

We trade outside his house, where his daughter Madge opens the door and slides a couple of coins in both our hands. She's in my year at school. Being the mayor's daughter one might think she would have tons of friends, but she just keeps to herself. Since neither of us have friends, we tend to seat together at lunch. We rarely talk which suits us both.

Today her school uniform has been replaced by an expensive white dress, with her hair being tied in a pink ribbon.

"Nice dress" Gale mocks.

Unsure if he meant it as a compliment Madge still thanks him "Well, if I end up going to the Capitol I want to look nice, don't I?"

It is Gale's time to be confused, trying to figure if Madge was mocking him "You won't' be going to the Capitol" he says in disgust. "What do you have? Four entries? I had six when I was just twelve years old"

"That's not her fault" I say pushing him forward away from Madge's house and to our next stop.

"No, it's no one's fault, just the way it is"

We trade all our squirrels for some bread with the baker and start heading back to the seam.

Gale and I divide our spoils, leaving two fish, a couple of loaves of good bread, greens, a few handfuls of strawberries, salt, paraffin and a bit of money for each of us.

"See you in the square" I say.

"Wear something nice" he winks.

I enter my house and find my mother and sister ready to go. Mother is wearing a fine dress from her apothecary days and Prim an old dress I've grown out of.

A tub of warm water waits for me, I do my best to scrub all the dirt and sweat out of me and even wash my hair.

As always, my mother has laid an old dress for me to wear and helps me dry and braid my hair.

Leaving the fish and greens I've caught cooking in a stew for toning, the three of us leave the house.

We reach the square at one o'clock and I separate from my mother and Prim who take their places in the audience. Attendance is mandatory unless you are dead or close to dying. Even then all houses are inspected by officials and if you are lying you'll go to prison.

The electable kids, like myself, file into line and sign in. We are then separated by age and gender and filed into lines facing the stage.

I search for Gale in the crowd who winks at me once he sees me.

Effie is already on stage and so is the mayor, the only person missing is our very own sole victor Haymitch Abernathy, a paunchy, middle-aged man, who spends most of his time drunk and provides entertainment for anyone who finds a drunk man falling funny.

When the town clock strikes two, the mayor leaves his seat and walks to the microphone. As every year he begins to read the same story. He tells the story of Panem, the rebellion, the misery and near extermination that came out of it and finally the Hunger Games. A punishment to show the districts what the rebellion got us.

The rules of the Hunger Games are simple: 24 tributes, a boy and a girl aged 12 to 18 from each district go in, to fight to death. In the end, the sole survivor is crown the victor and is given a house and more money they can spend for the rest of their life.

Once the mayor returns to his seat Effie trinket, wearing an obnoxious overly complicated pink dress, takes the stage and it's time for the drawing.

Effie trinket says as always "ladies first" and enters her hand in the girl's name's ball. From the second she reaches the strands of paper to the second she slowly walks back to the microphone and opens the paper in her hand I'm praying for it not to be my name.

Please let it not be me, not be me, not be me…

And it isn't "Nelly Wildsnow"

A girl who can't be more than thirteen stands in the crowd and makes her way to the stage. As mandatory Effie asks for any volunteers, but as always nobody steps forward.

"And now for the boys" she does the same dance as before, I wish for Gale's safety just before she read the name on the paper.

It's not Gale, no, it's a million times worse.

"Peeta Melark"

Not him, not him, is all I can think about. I recognize that name all too well, even though I never spoken directly to its owner.

But it is him, some camera zooms in on his face and I watch him make is way to stage, medium height, stocky build, ashy blond hair that falls in waves over his head.

As he stands next to Effie I can see that he's trying to remain emotionless, but in he's eyes I see instability.

She calls for volunteers, but no one steps forward. He has two older brothers, I know this because I've seen them in the bakery, one's probably to volunteer and the other won't. This is ordinary as family devotion only goes so far on reaping day.

Both tributes shake hands and take a seat. The mayor begins to read the treaty of treason, but I'm not listening a word.

All I can think about is how unjust this all thing is, they have reaped the only person in the district who truly doesn't deserve to die.

 _Why him?_ I think when they are escorted inside the justice building. Should I go visit? Should I say goodbye? I owe him so much and I didn't even have the courage to thank him.

I'm so taken back with what happened that I don't notice the square has been cleared and Prim and mother have come to collect me and take me home.

"Another year safe, thank God" my mother lets out.

Somehow, I don't feel like I'm safe, somehow, I feel the worst is yet to come. I don't know how I'll watch Peeta die.

I wish he would survive, I still need to thank him for saving my life. But I know there's no way, sweet, innocent Peeta will get out of that arena alive. Not with that excuse of a victor we have, nop, Peeta is completely alone.

I make some excuse about not feeling good to my mother and sister and spend the rest of the day in the woods.

It surprises me how much it affected me to see him walking to the stage and out of the district. To know I'm never going to see him again, that I'm never going to be able to thank him for saving my baby sister's life.

This makes no sense, _better him than me, right?_

I sigh leaving the question unanswered.

With the sun threatening to set and not wanting to worry, even more, my mother and sister, I decide to return home, where I arrive just in time for dinner.

We eat in silence, with me trying to remain neutral to today's events. Although no one is speaking, it's possible to feel that the mood is far lighter than it was yesterday. For my mother and sister, we just gained another year where our family will be still together.

I help my mother and sister cleaning the dinner table and then we all seat in the small, two-people couch in from of the tv to review today's reapings.

Although I certainly don't want' to relive Peeta's name being called, the games and all around them are of mandatory viewing and more importantly I don't want to tip my mother and sister off to the fact that I wasn't indifferent to the chosen male tribute for our district.

As Caesar Flikerman and Claudius Templesmith, the Hunger Games hosts, salute the viewers and replay today's reapings, I can't seem to prevent myself from evaluating Peeta's competition.

The career districts produce 6 strong looking and relatively well-fed volunteers. The remaining districts go by in a blur and before I know it, there's Effie on tv.

I watch as a Seam looking girl takes the stage. I was so relived it wasn't my name and then so shocked to hear Peeta's I never got the chance to really look at the girl.

Nelly Wildsnow was unknown to me until today. She must be 13 years old, although she looks much younger. Most Seam kids do, due to the lack of food and health conditions.

Like most kids at the reaping she's crying before Effie even says her name, she knows she doesn't have a chance.

Already knowing the outcome, I watch Effie extract and announce Peeta's name from the reaping ball. The camera quickly finds him in the crowd, as all the kids near him shun like he's some kind of infectious disease. He doesn't get that affect him though, he takes the stage head held high and acknowledges Effie.

She makes both tributes shake hands and I could swear Peeta offers a kind smile to the girl, maybe to make her stop crying. I can see in his face his trying hard not to let the tear out.

"My, my, the male tribute from district 12 is quite an attractive gentleman, don't you think?" Caesar Flikerman asks his co-host. "I bet he won't have problems in finding female sponsors"

Claudius laughs and nods but doesn't actually respond. With nothing else to say, both hosts say goodnight and the tv goes black.

* * *

This is the first of two flashback chapters written in Katniss' point of view.

I hope you have enjoyed the first chapter and i'm sorry for the long wait.

Thank you for reading,

Catarina


End file.
